Alright, school lunch
Nothing better than lunch timeto break up the school day
Gives you a nice litte breakfrom learning about social studies
Or.. erosion
Goddamn isosceles triangles,I don't know
You sit there with your asshole friends,everybody's showing off their sweet lunch boxes
I got Angry Beavers
I got The Herculoids
I got this sweet-ass Tootie lunch box
You know, from The Facts of Life
Anybody?
God damn it, am I the only one that watchesTV Land in this bitch, or what
And you'd sit thereand you'd eat your stupid little lunch
Your peanut butter and jelly,a fruit roll-up
piss-warm kool-aid that you kept in yourJefferson's thermos
My friend Michael would always havethe shittiest food in his lunch
That he'd try to auction off,trade away to some poor bastard
"I'll trade you this dirty rhubarbfor your fruit roll-up"
"Nobody wants your stupid-ass rhubarb,Michael, Jesus Christ!"
"It's not my fault your mom packsyour lunch like we're on the Great Depression"
Of course we could always buya school lunch from our manly-ass lunch ladies
Lunch ladies, that look like they bouncenightclubs on the side
The got like stubble and dirt mustaches
That would any thirteen-year-old boygoing through puberty pretty jealous
(in low raucous voice):"A dollar and fourty, please. Thank you"
Yeah, I went to public school
So I didn't get any of thosefancy-pants private school lunches
All you rich kids hadyour fucking filet mignon and your caviar
No, hell no!
Fucking hot ham and cheese,in a bag, condensation on the inside
Nice and soggy,tastes like it's been sitting in a hot car
on a summer day for a few hours
And that's your lunch, that's whatwe were having for lunch on mondays
Now the shit's disgusting,you fucking pack on Mondays
Now, Tuesdays, they were okayTuesday was burrito day
It tasted pretty good, but you pay the priceright about time the gym class kicks in
Your stomach is all like: *Blurrgulhug*
*blows the whistle*
"What's the matter our there,why are you playing the kickball?"
- There's a buttload of shit in my pants- Alright, get a hall pass, fucking Tuesdays
Then Wednesdays,that was mac and cheese with a side of peas
Why peas, I don't know,nobody ate that shit
Maybe because it rhymes and it sounded niceI don't know.
Mac N' Cheese N' Peas
Fucking Licorice N' Tuna Fish
Spicy Pickles N' A Goddamn Jar of Nickels
Delicious
And then there was Thursdays
Thursdays were the best dayswhen it came to school lunch
Because Thursday was pizza day
And you were a dumbass that accidentallypacked a lunch on pizza day
Well, get ready to be made fun offor the rest of your life
Oh, you packed on pizza day?Do you know what you look like?
A person that makes shitty decisions!
Now get away from mebefore you fuck up my life!
The pizza was so damn good
Even today, as an adult
I'd be like sitting in traffic somewhereand I'd just think about that pizza, like
God damn, that was a good-ass pizza!
It was like the most precious thing thatyou could have when you were nine-years-old
It was valuable, you could tradeanything you wanted for it!
I've seen a kid shove a dime up his noseand then cough it out on the table
All for an extra piece of pizza
Like dude,you gonna give yourselfsepsis for Christ's sake
All for a bag of Tony's pizza
And no matter what day it was,lunch time would always end the same way
for the last 10 minutes of lunchthe man-ladies would turn off the lights
Which meant everybodyhad to shut the fuck up
You are caught talking? One of theselinebacker women would make you stand up
And standing up was a bad thing! I don't know,we just didn't want to stand up, I guess
Sometimes the lunch ladies would appointa fellow classmate to be their little deputy
And walk around,make sure you weren't talking
You'd always have that one asshole,who'd let all that power go to his head
- Stand up, you're talking!- Fuck you, Michael, I'm not standing up!
"We're supposed to be on the same team,you goddamn traitor!"
"Well, you didn't trade your goddamn fruitroll-up to me, so stand up!"
I swear to God, Michael, I'm gonnaStone Cold Stunner you as soon as we leave here
"I am the Law!"
So you just stand there, have everybodyblame you until it was time to leave
"Ah, mah, he looks like such an idiot!"
"Look at him standing up and everybodyelse is sitting down, what a stupid idiot!"
Then your teacher would comeand you would go off
That was it
Michael would get Stone Cold Stunnerfor his bullshit shenaningans
And everything was right in the world!
Give me a Hell Yeah
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Special thanks to:Geno1906
Special thanks to:Ryan Earles
Special thanks to:Steven Meekel
Thanks for watching this shit
This one's for all of you that survived good ol' public school lunch. You're all heroes. Special Thanks to the people that support me on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/brewstew Brewstew.com Music: Hidden Agenda Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Sound Effects: http://www.freesfx.co.uk/